As we say goodbye to 2011...

[xerinmichellex]

Traditionally I do a breakdown of my writing stats at the end of the year. Last year, after looking at said writing stats, I made a New Year's Resolution to be better at my time management when it came to writing. AND as I've mentioned quite a few times in previous blog posts, I have not had a successful writing year. Like, not at all. Like, if I count everything I've written pertaining to story ideas (this includes simple notes about plot/characters), I would guesstimate I only wrote, and this is being very generous, 35K words. FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR.

So, yeah. Here's how it breaks down:

# of manuscripts started: 7*
# of manuscripts finished: 0
# of agent(s): 0 (which is to be expected WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN FINISH A MANUSCRIPT ALL YEAR)

Notice that little asterisk next to the only number that isn't a big, fat zero? That "7" represents the number of stories that I committed to--or I should say, tried to commit to--this year. Within those 7 stories are multiple, multiple drafts of chapters, mostly Chapter One's, multiple, multiple attempts to try and complete a manuscript, any manuscript this year.

So. Here are the numbers within the glaring "7" you see. (Note: When I mean multiple drafts, I mean "different" drafts. I did not count the drafts that were altered by a single line or such [nor do I keep track of miniscule changes; I may be highly organized, bordering on OCD, but I am not that crazy]. These are drafts that, had I stuck with them, would've led to different plots.)

Story 1: 1
Story 2: 1
Story 3: 1
Story 4: 3
Story 5: 4
Story 6: 8
Story 7: 3

Why would I post all this for the entire world internet to see? Because I have to see it. Because I want to see it. Because I'm tired of making up excuses for why I couldn't complete a manuscript when I had 365 days to sit down and write. Because I'm tired of getting to a thousand words in a story just to have my self-doubt creep in and tell me that what I'm writing isn't good enough. That I'm not good enough. And you know what? I let my self-doubt win. I let myself sink into a deep, deep depression (yes, I can finally admit that that's what it was) for the past 16 months. I allowed the idea of queries, synopsises, agents, editors, publishing houses, an invisible audience, potential reviewers, everything that I don't have to worry about in this stage of the game, to get in my way. I allowed myself to stand in my way.

I allowed my joy for writing to wither until writing became something I could do instead of something I need to do. Which is what separates writers from people who write as a hobby. Writers want to write. They need to write.

I need to get back to that: to breathing my writing. Even if it means that I only complete one manuscript in the coming year. Even if it means I spend the entire year completing said manuscript, I have to do it. No, I want to do it. Because looking at those stats, I'm embarrassed and I don't ever want to post depressing stats like that again. Ever.

Comments

[rhoda-rants.livejournal.com]

You wanna know how many separate incarnations "Hoppers" went through before I sent it to you? About five. Five, and twelve years. And I'm pretty sure I'm not done with it yet.

Point being: shit happens. You will get your passion back. *hugs*

[xerinmichellex.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I was just shocked when I tallied up the different incarnations for each story and saw how many times I tried to start a story. One of those times, had I just pushed through and quieted that stupid voice in my head, probably would've resulted in a finished project.

So, this year I'm resolving to stick with one manuscript and even if it takes me 12 months to get half-way through, I'm going to do it. *shakes fist*

[rhoda-rants.livejournal.com]

I know--I occasionally have to go on a deleting spree just to keep myself sane. No use having several dozen half-finished manuscripts that will never go anywhere. (And it is several dozen.)

Good luck with your resolution!

[xerinmichellex.livejournal.com]

At least you can delete stuff. I save everything on my hard drive (because I might need it later). BUT I never look at old drafts because I don't like them taking up space under the recent project list in the "File Button" on my word processor. *is weird like that*