xerinmichellex

My hand on a Bible, I swear I was going to start (earnestly) on The Book today.

That was, until Thursday, when someone on ohnotheydidnt posted the Wikipedia page of People Who Have Disappeared Mysteriously, which leads to the list of unsolved deaths, and I found the Taman Shud Case (Warning: The dead guy's dead face is RIGHT THERE when you open the page. It isn't anything terrible; but still, I figure someone might have a squick and better safe than sorry.), which I've seen mentioned a couple of times on Cracked*. . .and, guys, I fell down the plot bunny rabbit hole.

*Honestly TVTropes, Wikipedia, and Cracked are, like, the Holy Trinity of Not Getting Shit Done Today (or This Weekend, as was my case).

What happened to him? Was he poisoned? Was he a spy? That Jestyn lady knew more than what she was saying, right? Who stole all his identification? Was he a Russian spy? How come someone did an excellent job of covering up his identity but left the book lying around? WAS HE AN AMERICAN SPY WHO PISSED OFF THE SOVIETS?

So this is the part where you need to talk me out of the painstaking work of research, plotting, developing a cast of characters--all of which I've started to do re: Taman Shud--and set me straight. Tell me that doing a one-off adult, crime novel is not the best way to go about breaking into the literary industry. This is the part where someone just needs to say, "Look, you've worked on The Book stuff for almost 4 years. You've got an interesting world, well-developed characters, a plot that knows where it's heading, etc, etc, etc." "FOR GOD'S SAKES, THERE'S ALWAYS NANO!" (But you were going to do that other novel.)

HELP ME, PLEASE, BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I CAN STOP MYSELF!!!

So this made for an interesting read this morning: Perfect is the Enemy of Good

I kinda want to print this out and stare at it. Because: This. "This" is all I have to say. Bracken perfectly captures what I've been going through for the past 4 years. The paralyzing need to get it "right" the first time; the futile attempts of telling yourself you can't correct what isn't there; the internalized self-doubt and self-loathing.

The thing is, I'm sure reading this article isn't going to suddenly make everything all right. But, on some level, I think knowing I'm not alone helps. In the end, it does come down to me figuring out a way to stick to a single story idea. To write down that story idea. To understand that a terrible, no good first draft is okay. To accept that I don't need to be so hard on my writing.

To stop being so hard on myself.

It's been 4 years and 2 months since I've finished a manuscript.

It's been 2 years, 7 months, and 23 days since I've begun a new manuscript.

Yesterday, I wrote 1,434 words for The Book.

Today, I wrote 1,627 words.

Total, I've written 3,061 words in two days, after 2 years of not writing anything.

The sad thing is, probably about half of that 3,061 is going to be cut/deleted.

As I've been writing, part of my brain says, "You know, you're kinda just writing things down." I don't have a good grasp on Millicent's voice yet. I feel like the story isn't atmospheric enough. I'm not doing the story justice. It's just. . .there. It's 3,061 words arranged and re-arranged into sentences that end with a period.

The other, louder part of my brain is like, "Shhh! Just get it down and fuss with word choice and voice later." Because after almost 3 years of not-writing, pulling out those 3,061 words was murder on my brain. I don't feel rewarded for my effort; especially since I've convinced myself that those 3,061 words are going to get cut in the end.

It has been 4-plus years since I've written a story beginning to end. I've accepted that it isn't going to be perfect on my first try. I'm basically starting over and it's going to take time to get my MC's voice down. It's going to take time to develop the atmosphere. It's going to take time and a lot of words--a lot, a lot of words--to create something that resembles a story.

But those 3,061 words. . .as shitty as they are, as likely as I'm going to not use them. . .those 3,061 words are mine. That's something to be proud of right now.

Me, after deleting an aspect of my plot that's been giving me trouble for a year because this "troubled aspect" doesn't fit neatly into the story I want to tell and has been the source of my headache for almost two years, and now I can see the story much more clearer and may (FINALLY!) have a working outline:



Me, ten minutes later, realizing that the aspect I just deleted made up a lot of my plot, and now I have to rewrite my entire beginning and climax:

1. I'll be so glad when Election Season is over and the phone-bank calls STOP. I think we're averaging 5 calls a day. Also, I was not aware that when I early voted 4 years ago, that information was going to be collected for the candidates. Twice, I've been asked if I plan on early voting again and if I need any information regarding the nearest polling place. (For the record, I early voted again on Friday.) I'm at the point where I'm not even answering the phone if I don't recognize the number. ALSO! If I don't pick up the phone the first time, calling 3 more times in a row isn't going to change the situation.

2. I knew watching Homeland live would be the death of me...but I had no idea I'd be in this much agony. Especially with everything that's gone down in the past two episodes. (I promise a post focusing on the show later, because a lot of what is happening is fascinating from a writer's perspective.) Now that Rupert Friend's character has been introduced--which, if you remember, was the initial reason I started watching Homeland--I am a very, very happy girl.

3. November's three days away, which means it's NaNo season. My first--and only successful NaNo year--was in 2009. And while I'm not (technically) participating in NaNo, I am using November to kick my butt into gear and get back into the rhythm of writing for most of the day. The last time I finished an actual manuscript was July 2010 (I checked). Back then, I was at the computer by 10 am and writing until 5 or 6 in the evening. So my goal this November isn't so much as getting to 50K, but it is getting back to this schedule. Of course, yesterday I realized that my WiP plot may not fit with my story; so I have three days to find a plot. No big deal. /sarcasm

4. And finally, a meme just in time for Halloween!



1. "Left Behind" - Spring Awakening (Original Broadway Cast)
2. "Populace in Two" - From First to Last
3. "The Key (Instrumenal Clip)" - Emilie Autumn
4. "It Was You" - The Pierces
5. "Dead is the New Alive" - Emilie Autumn
6. "The Taste of Ink" - The Used
7. "2 Hearts" - Kylie Minogue
8. "The Point of it All" - Amanda Palmer

Eh, I think I'll skip this apocalypse. (If only #5 was #8 instead!)

Things I've Been Doing When I Should Be Writing:

1. Doing Logic Puzzles

For those that aren't cool and don't know what a logic puzzle is, they are the "box puzzles" where you have to match an attribute to a place/thing/person (usually) based on clues listed below. (Here: this probably explains it better than I could.) Back in grade school, these were my shit. (Also: word searches.) Screw board games (except for chess) and jigsaw puzzles, give me a logic puzzle any day. Sometimes I feel like I'm an elderly woman trapped in a 24-year-old's body, sitting at the kitchen table, doing my logic puzzles, while eating my dinner at 5 o'clock.

2. Marathoned Homeland

Thoughts on that to follow later. In a sentence: FNARR! I am going to die waiting for an episode on a week-to-week basis.

3. Following all the Goodreads/Authors Behaving Badly Drama

Every week (although now I think we're on a daily basis) there's something new and I just cannot look away. There's too many incidents to list, going all the way back to January and involving self-publishers and traditionally published authors alike. The big take away I'm getting from this: the safest thing for authors is to never, ever respond for a review. Even if the reviewer got something wrong, authors should not respond as the delicate string between the author and reviewer is stretched so tight. Just no.

(I've also gotten a not-too-favorable view of self-publishers...but I'm not going to stoke the flames of that fire.)

4. Watching the Drew Peterson Trial

We're on Day 20; the end is near. Given the evidence already presented, I believe he killed his ex-wife. (I strongly believe he killed his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson.) He's guilty of something, and I'm glad that I'm not on the jury because I'd convict him solely on that--and that his lawyers come off real slimy. I mean, come on, it's bright in the Mid-West but it isn't like the sun parked itself in the courthouse parking lot. Meanwhile the prosecution keeps getting censured by the judge. I want to shake them and say, "Stop it! You are going to lose this case for us!" I know it's a hard case to prosecute; but seriously, Prosecution, get your shit together. Anyway, I think--and I hate admitting this--it's highly unlikely the jury will convict him. And if he does get convicted, I wouldn't be surprised if the conviction gets overturned for some reason.

5. Research, Research, Research

I'm glad there is no internet police (yet) because I can only imagine the sort of trouble I'd get into when my internet history reads like Anarchy 101: "temperature to keep nitroglycerin" + "locks and lock picking" + "Haymarket Riot, Chicago" + "freight tunnels, Chicago". I've also got "Ada Lovelace" + "Analytical Engine" + "Edwardian fashion" inter-laced between my flirtations with anarchy, so maybe I'm okay. A couple days ago I got ridiculously excited that Google Maps can calculate how long a trip takes in walking time, driving time, and biking time. Currently, I'm living on the Chicago Historical Society's Encyclopedia of Chicago website.

There's a point, I believe, when researching starts hindering the writing aspect. Especially for someone like me who thinks they have to know everything because the fear of getting something wrong makes them break out into a sweat. Sometimes you just need to stop, close down Google, and actually get words down. I think I'm at this point. Which is where the title of this post comes in. All of these things have morphed from procrastination to avoidance. I'm purposefully finding any excuse that keeps me from the computer, from writing. I had this epiphany a couple days ago. Maybe recognizing my habits will help me focus and sit down and actually write. One can only hope.

Ever had one of those days where the plot to your Problem Child WiP suddenly behaves itself and you are fixing plot holes left and right and getting stuff done: characters have their motivations and don't all sound the same, scenes are in their proper place, you can actually get from scene to scene with relative ease, the climax is...climax-y, and you think every problem has been solved, and so what if you had to lose a handful of scenes you love because they don't fit in the plot's new direction, because you FINALLY solved a plot point that's worried you and made it seem like you only have one trick up your sleeve, but then you realize if you go with this solution you shift the entire timeline of your series and that means changing a huge plot point in a future book, and the only reason you know the solution trickles down into future books because you have the major events for a six-book-planned series mapped out because you LOVE those tiny details that may mean nothing at first but are so, so meaningful once the whole picture is finished, and it doesn't matter right this second that you rectify this new change because it's not something that's meant to be a big deal until the third book, a book that cannot and shouldn't be worked on when the first book doesn't even have words to it, but all you can think about is that stupid, stupid plot hole, so much so you contemplate forgetting all the changes you've made that birthed this plot hole and reverting back to the original plot THAT IS FULL OF ITS OWN PROBLEMS THAT YOU WERE READY TO FIX THIS MORNING, so you throw your hands up and spend the rest of the day reading a book by someone who isn't afraid to commit words to a blank Word document, and why can't you just get your shit together?!?!

Ahem.

Yeah. It's been one of those days.

E.T.A.: Well this news makes me feel a teensy bit better. Rupert Friend on my television every week, yes please! Although now that means I have to watch the first season; even though I had all the plans in the world to scale back on watching TV. FML.

Traditionally I do a breakdown of my writing stats at the end of the year. Last year, after looking at said writing stats, I made a New Year's Resolution to be better at my time management when it came to writing. AND as I've mentioned quite a few times in previous blog posts, I have not had a successful writing year. Like, not at all. Like, if I count everything I've written pertaining to story ideas (this includes simple notes about plot/characters), I would guesstimate I only wrote, and this is being very generous, 35K words. FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR.

So, yeah. Here's how it breaks down:

# of manuscripts started: 7*
# of manuscripts finished: 0
# of agent(s): 0 (which is to be expected WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN FINISH A MANUSCRIPT ALL YEAR)

Notice that little asterisk next to the only number that isn't a big, fat zero? That "7" represents the number of stories that I committed to--or I should say, tried to commit to--this year. Within those 7 stories are multiple, multiple drafts of chapters, mostly Chapter One's, multiple, multiple attempts to try and complete a manuscript, any manuscript this year.

So. ( Read more )

Here's some funny to go along with your lazy weekend for those of us still digesting our Thanksgiving dinners.

I don't know what's more hilarious: the robotic voices or that Deluded Aspiring Writer Bear sounds exactly like every person I've met who thinks writing is sooooo easy. (Not gonna lie, though, but I thought I was hot shit after writing my first page ever and assumed I'd be a bestseller immediately. Oh, to be young and clueless...)

Lately I've been feeling like I took up permanent residence in a washer. Don't understand my lame-ass most awesomeness metaphor? That's okay--I've provided a visual representation:


We all remember Miss Bella, don't we? (*cheat sheet*)

Bella here is demonstrating the exact feeling I've had these past couple of weeks during my round of edits. I feel like I'm going around in circles with two chapters which simply do not want to cooperate. Bella literally walked around in circles inside the washer yesterday afternoon, amusing me very much. It was the highlight of my day--which just shows you my current state of mind. But! Watching a cute, innocent, black cat wander around her circular prison got me to stop obsessing over the problematic chapters, polish up the second draft to a semi-glossy state, and send it off to my lovely Beta (OH GOD! TAKE MY MANUSCRIPT AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE TO IT!!! HINT: IT BEGINS WITH A "D" AND ENDS IN "ELETE"!!!!). So, victory me!

Before PETA gets all up in my business, I put the cycle on the washer--and Bella--on a low setting before doing my laundry. She's fine. Totally, absolutely fine. And probably the cleanest she's ever been, because ain't no way a cat can properly clean itself by using its own saliva when I know cats do not use toilet paper after going Number 2.