Remember when you were all new and fresh and every week I tuned in thinking, "What is Lost
going to do this week? How is it going to fuck with my mind?"
Let's try to be more like that in these final episodes and not so...lame. Boring. Unbearable to watch. I want to be captivated again. I want to forget American Idol
is on; but seriously, these past few weeks, I've been so tempted to hit the "return channel" button and watch Karaoke U.S.A. over scripted television. Yes, Lost
, it has gotten that
Do want to know what also sucks? I am really, really glad Glee
is back on next week--across from your time slot. I thought I'd go through withdrawal having to tape you. Now, I'm relieved. Now I am so happy I can tape you and watch you whenever I feel like it. Like, if I'm in the middle of balancing my checkbook, or folding laundry, or avoiding my computer because my WIP is being stubborn and I feel like punching my fist through its shiny, laughing face. . .I digress.
The point is, Lost
, you are six years old, and you're beginning to show your age. You're dragging your feet. I don't care about Richard's fabulous, romance novel hair from the centuries past. I learned slavery was bad in the third grade. Seeing Sawyer bang a girl he had under surveillance was gross--and highly unrealistic. In fact, please find an antidote for Sawyer's shirt allergy and make him wear one. Your reveal that the Man in Black is evil personified is, well, not a reveal since that was obvious last season when we first saw him. And also, I don't know if you realize this, but Mark Pellegrino
really is The Devil
. Even your alternate universe is showing its stretch marks.
I'm worried about you. I'm scared that the whole series--the whole point of the show--can easily be wrapped up in a couple episodes. Yes, I know, you're planning some big deaths in the upcoming episodes. Can you say cliche? I mean, when J.K. Rowling started killing everyone off in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
, and I mean a wizard a page, I skipped to the fluffy end. So, cut to the chase, Lost
. Eliminate the filler like Atkins cuts out carbohydrates and skip to the meat.
And for god's sakes! will you please put Claire out of her misery? That rat's nest for a wig is terrible on her. I keep envisioning--and hoping--her and Jackson Rathbone will form a Wig-Hating Union and protest wig shops.
P.S. Will you stop running two minutes over? You make me miss the beginning of Justified
by lingering over crap or on really important, meaningful stares between two characters.